took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
