i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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