i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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