We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
