Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
