Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
