Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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