need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
