WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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