I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
