What a fucking waste of an outfit
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
