just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
