oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
