I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
