what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
