i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
