I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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