did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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