I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
