Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
...so i touched it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
