Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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