she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This beer is not sobering me up at all
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
