So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
