can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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