You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
