I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
