You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
