Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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