Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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