I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
