he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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