when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
