I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
