I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
