just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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