i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
