Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
