I need help removing her.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
