i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
