you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
this hospital has no fireball
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
