Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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