Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
