I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
