so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
