Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
