he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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