Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
