New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
