Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
