We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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