Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
the liver wants what the liver wants
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
