Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
