Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
