what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
