Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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